A Melodious Sonnet

Five Healthy Ways to Develop Relationships

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It’s hard to develop relationships with the little ones. As a big sister, there are times when I have little ones around me and they are—simply—getting in the way. Admit it—you probably have times like that, too. Then we’re expected to remember that we were once that age? Really, how hard does the job have to be?

When I was around seven years old, my then recently-married aunt and uncle came to spend a few days with us. At the time, my uncle’s family was living on our farm as well, and so when they came, our two families plus our visitors took a trip north to some sand dunes bordering several near-by lakes.

Courtesy of Pixabay/Unsplash | License: CC0 1.0

There were many fascinating things about the dunes, but one of the things I remember clearly was after we walked over the dunes to where they touched one of the lakes.

We played along the shore for a little while, but it was time to head back for lunch. My aunt and uncle took off before me, along with a few cousins. By the time I realized they were going and I was left behind, they were already quite a distance away. Dad and some of the other adults were still at the beach, but I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my aunt—who I had rarely seen, since she had been living with another aunt before her marriage.

I took off running after them, slipping and almost falling in the soft sand, calling for them to stop and wait for me. They didn’t seem to hear, and I got desperate. Eventually, I realized my floundering was useless, and I had to go back with my dad instead of spending the time with my aunt that I knew my cousins were enjoying.

It was traumatic, as a little girl, to realize I was being left behind . . . left out. I don’t think that it actually hurt me in the end, but it is something that I’ll always remember about that visit.

I understand that we can’t always incorporate the little guys into our lives. Sometimes, we have to tell them “Sorry, but I’m busy right now.” Even when they sweetly offer to make us an (imaginary) cup of chai. Whenever possible, though, I believe we should try to get them involved in what we’re doing.

Recently, I was reading a great book named Elsie Dinsmore. While I was enjoying the story, I noticed several fascinating things in the events depicted in the story—things that directly impact how we develop relationships with little children.

There were three things, in particular, that stuck out to me.

(But I’ll put in an extra two, because they’re also very important.)

  1. If you correct someone, never leave them in disgrace or questioning whether you still love them or not. Horace Dinsmore—Elsie’s father—is always correcting her. While she willingly complies to all his wishes that do not violate her conscience, he sometimes makes her wonder if, under all his sternness, he really loves her at all. Through his actions, he makes himself almost a tyrant in her life—even though she loves him dearly.
  2. Hear the other side of the story before you make any decisions. Several times, Mr. Dinsmore is very displeased with things Elsie has done—whether out of ignorance or other people just making it look like she’s done wrong, when she’s actually in the right. Several times, he makes harsh decisions and punishments without hearing the whole story.
  3. Make your decisions based on what the Bible says, not on your wants. Dinsmore is not a Christian, so many of his decisions are made without the wisdom of the Bible. If he had allowed Biblical standards to rule in his life, his relationship with Elsie would have been much better—and happier—for both of them.
  4. Don’t leave them out. Sometimes, you have to stay behind and help them, even though it means you might miss out on something. It’s a hard decision, but almost always—in the end—it is the best. It’s better to look back and say “I did miss that, but look at the relationship building I had there!” than to say, “I wish . . . .”
  5. Play along. For most of us as children, imagination was a huge part of our daily life. We made up our own friends, imagined our own families, lived our own imaginary lives. And when the “grown-ups” joined in, it only increased the fun. Don’t hinder the games they try to play with you—whether they’re “cooking” you a meal, “chasing” your cows into the field, or “hunting” for you, try to play along and encourage them—they’ll find it a lot more fun, and you’ll enjoy it, too!

Taking time for the little ones is often hard to do. It takes much patience and understanding, but eventually it is attainable. Look back to your childhood, and see how much it meant to you for an adult to leave the adult world and be a bit of a child again. There were special memories made, weren’t there? Take that experience and apply it to the little ones around you today—they’ll love you for it, and you will get beautiful memories in return.

Even if all they want to do is make you a cup of chai out of dead poplar leaves, let them. They’ll love you for your participation.

Question: What is one way you took time to develop relationships with the children in your life today? If you haven’t yet, what are some ways you could?

Using Charts to Stay on Track All Week

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Note: A quick shout-out to the winners of the launch giveaway! Join me in congratulating Jessica S and Clare! Congratulations, girls! Jessica, you have won God King, and Clare, you will be receiving the Grandma’s Attic Treasury. I’ll be in touch with both of you shortly.

Over the years, our family has changed the way we do school in different ways. We’ve switched curriculum several times, finding the perfect combination for our particular needs and learning styles. Currently, my siblings are using over four different curiculums, and keeping track of the progress in all of them can sometimes be a bit difficult to manage.

Over three years ago, Mom made a chart up for each of us children, and that has helped to stay on track immensely. As I’ve worked through highschool, I ended up making my own to suit my needs, but the basic principles are the same.

We found that one of the major problems with not having a game plan is that it doesn’t get done. When you know where you’re headed, you can focus your attention there, and worry less about the path it takes to get there.

Here are five ways to keep your curriculums together and moving forward all at once.

1. Have a weekly plan. Some curriculums are great at making this up for you, for some you have to make it yourself. Figure out what you want to get done so you’ll still be on track at the end of the week, and divide that work by day accordingly.

2. Decide on your major subjects. Your children can’t do everything all the time. Figure out what’s most important, and put that at the top of the list. For us, this includes math, reading and spelling, Bible, history, and english. Other extras that we do include learning touch typing and handwriting.

3. Figure out what each child can and can’t do on their own. This varies depending on the child, their age level, and reading ability. By the time I was eleven, I could mostly do everything by myself—whereas some of my brothers reached that stage at thirteen or later. Once you know what your child can do by himself, you’ll have an easier time assigning his work to him.

4. Put all the work you expect to get done in the week onto a chart. You’ll need to have assignments per day for some things, but other things (such as piano practice) would have a certain amount of time or work per day, and that would stay mostly the same for the whole week. Mom makes a simple table in a document for all of this. Here’s an example:

Chart Example
An example of what a chart for the week could look like.

Math fact practice and typing are a certain amount of time per day, as opposed to math or handwriting where there is a certain amount of work that has to be done per day. Each day, my brothers go through their lists and check everything off as they get it done. It works as motivation for them—most of the time—because they know that as soon as they have everything checked off they can be done for the day. It also helps Mom, because she can easily see who’s gotten what done—especially since she is currently teaching five children!

5. Offer rewards or consequences for achieving or missing assignments. This also helps as incentive to get things done. When you know you’ll miss a privilege if you don’t get your math finished in time, you tend to work faster. We also use rewards for people who get all their work done before a designated time (12:00, lunch time, etc.). Over the years, the rewards have changed—from a peanut butter ball, to 5¢ per day when finished in time, and several other variations along the way. Sometimes, we don’t have any reward at all.

One thing to keep in mind when considering making a chart is that you only want to list the essentials. Too far beyond that will make the work look overwhelming. If you want to do something extra, you could consider slipping that in to the afternoon instead of trying to fit it in the morning’s schedule. Less stress over a big workload makes a happier family.

Finding the right method for your family to stay on track can be difficult—but the end result is very rewarding. When you know what you expect yourself and your children to do each day, you can get a lot more done.

Question: Do you have problems staying on track and making sure everything runs together smoothly? What is one way you make the process easier? Share your thoughts in the comments below–I’d love to hear what you think about the subject!

Launch Day! (+ What to Expect)

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Hello, friend!

I’m so excited to be writing this first blog post, sharing this brand new site with you for the first time! I hope you’ll find Learning Resource Directory to be extremely helpful and informative, now and as time goes on.

Since today is launch day, I thought we could start off with a fun launch party. Just because I want to thank you for all the support you’ve shown over the time my team and I were building this. And because you’re just plain wonderful.

Launch Day Giveaway

Before we get into the giveaway, I’d like to tell you what to expect from this blog.

I’m all about living purposefully. To me, living purposefully means that we will:

  • Read books that help us attain our goals or motivate or encourage us in some way.
  • Choose the style of learning that fits our individual needs—whether the right program, book, podcast, or something else.
  • Use the right tools to get us from “A” to “B” as efficiently as possible.
  • Set intentional goals—so we can live more purposeful lives, and do what really matters.

I want this blog to be just as much of a resource for you as the rest of the site. I also hope I can encourage you, and help you live even more purposefully than you are already.

There are a variety of things I will be talking about. In no particular order, here are a few of those things:

  • Discipline
  • Goal setting
  • Free Tools (ones that I use often that help me be more productive)
  • Family living
  • Teaching children and siblings
  • Writing (and all things related to the subject)
  • Teenagers in highschool
  • Beyond highschool
  • My homeschool experiences
  • Time management
  • Productivity

I don’t think I could capture everything I’d love to share with you in just one list. I’m hoping you can join me in the ride of discovering what living purposefully really means, and we can learn together. I’d love to be an encouragement and help to you if I can. Don’t hesitate to send questions, comments, or just a “hello!” to me via the contact page or comment box.

Now that the serious business is out of the way, let’s have a party!

Since Learning Resource Directory is all about books, I want to give you a chance to read a new book—or enjoy an old favorite, however that may be. Today, I’m giving away two different books—both old favorites of mine.

The first? God King. One of you will receive a paperback copy of this fascinating, inspiring story.

The second? An older classic—In Grandma’s Attic. Except there’s a slight twist . . . I’d like to give you the whole Grandma’s Attic Treasury! This paperback collection includes the first four books in the series, all ones I’ve read and loved.

There will be two winners—one family will get God King, the other will get Grandma’s Attic Treasury.

To enter, please use the Rafflecopter form below. (Giveaway is open to all countries that Book Depository ships to.) Giveaway runs from now through Wednesday morning (NZST).

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Feel free to take a self-guided tour around Learning Resource Directory, and if you have any thoughts about it don’t hesitate to share—I love hearing from you. 🙂

As soon as the giveaway is over, expect my first “regular” post. I’m hoping to post 2 – 3 times per week, so you can stay inspired to keep on working, but not get overwhelmed either.

Keep up the good work!
Esther Filbrun

Update: The giveaway is now over! Join me in congratulating Jessica S and Clare! Congratulations, girls! Jessica, you have won God King, and Clare, you will be receiving the Grandma’s Attic Treasury. I’ll be in touch with both of you shortly.